I am endlessly fascinated by how far I’ve come over the course of a year. A year ago today I was away from my family and friends exploring a new city by myself. I came back to Uppsala to see a Swedish Christmas and biked through the falling snow to go to a Christmas dinner for those who didn’t go home for the holidays. I remember the Christmas carols were still there, the selection was different but the essence was the same. The stores had some Christmas decorations but nothing like we have here. In fact I was reminded of all this when I was running errands to the grocery store yesterday. I remembered the first time I saw it since I got back and how different yet familiar it seemed. I am glad I can see these things, and am glad even Safeway can bring a smile to my face just by being what it is. Most of all, I’m glad I can be back in the US and with my family once again for Christmas.
The 24th is Christmas Day for the Swedes, so God Jul to all and to all a God Natt!

My archaeology textbook had a brief article on the difficulty of respecting the sacred sites of different cultures. Their example was Devil’s Tower, a sacred place to many American Indian tribes, but also a popular destination for climbers. Even though it is on federal land, the tribes consider climbing it desecration and the textbook likened it to scaling a mosque or cathedral. It became clear to me that I am not the one who should be in charge of deciding if climbing should or shouldn’t be allowed because the first thing I thought of was how cool it would be to scale Domkyrkan. I always wanted a nice close-up picture of that angel, not to mention a view from one of those spires.

Beerfest with Paul Soter and Erik Stolhanske. I’m actually surprised by this movie. I had some small, cautious hopes for it and it exceeded them. There were the requisite and hilarious gross jokes, some of them that were really just unsettling. I praise its accurate depiction of various Europeans, or at least poking fun at the ones I know that actually are like that. I have to say, the Bavarians are not anything like the Germans portrayed in the movie, the East Germans, however, are. And with that in mind, the funniest German insult ever is now “umlaut”. I also have to give the movie props for its portrayal of the Swedes; the lovely hot blonde stereotype that I now know isn’t completely false. Plus major props to them for including the Swedish drinking song “Helan går.”

An interesting note from my Anthro GenEd classes: one of the links associated with domesticating animals to be more docile is a tendency for the animals to develop lighter skin and fur coloration. An example mentioned was the aurochs, the ancestor of modern cows, was black, but many cows today are tan or white. Someone then asked if lighter pigmentation is indicative of docility, what does that say about blondes?

Word of the Day: Propinquity-nearness in place, relation or time; affinity of nature; kinship.

I’ve become reacquainted with the coldness that Tucson can bring. It doesn’t creep in like you’d kind of expect. It just pounces on you one day and it’s suddenly too cold to wear short sleeves or just light jackets. I think I now understand why people in Tucson complain about the cold so much as opposed to people in other places. First off, the locals aren’t prepared for that kind of weather. We only need coats for about one or two months, then the desert heat makes them useless for most of the year. As a result we just never bother with them, so when we finally are faced with cold, it’s a shock that we can’t really deal with. Then there are the people from out of state who likely come from somewhere colder and like the desert heat. But when they’re faced with the cold (yesterday Tucson’s low temperature was lower than Uppsala’s) they refuse to admit defeat and tough it out. Though I think some Tucson natives might do that as well. There’s something wimpy about wearing long johns in Tucson, no matter how cold you think it is.

A fun little program, though the accuracy leaves something to be desired.

Casino Royale with Daniel Craig and Eva Green. I liked this Bond movie quite a bit, actually. It seems the Bond franshise has decided to adopt the new perpetual plot twist trend in spy thrillers. They pulled it off nicely without it getting all kinds of crazy. I liked the prequel-ness of it all, as well. Bond is rough around the edges and makes mistakes. I know that’s against the whole appeal of 007 but I just enjoyed seeing that even he made mistakes when he first became a 00 agent. The Bond girls were lovely, as expected, and the seduction and charm was actually believable, as opposed to Die Another Day where he was more like Austin Powers. The fight scenes and stunts were damn impressive, the best I’ve seen in a Bond film, though I would like to know where an African bomb maker learned how to do all those jumps. I particularly liked how the film explains why Bond acts the way he does towards women. There’s definitely a Darth Vader kind of thing going there.

The Break-Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. I heard a lot about this movie from my friends, who all told me the exact same thing about the ending. But putting that aside for a moment, I thought the movie was alright. Nothing profound, though I did find some of the dialog to be strangely familiar. I don’t know how long the characters were supposed to be together, but from the opening montage and the fact that they were living together I’d guess it would have to be a while. The thing is, I never once saw that they had any chemistry together. Not even from the first meeting. I kept waiting for a scene where they would remember the good times together but from what I saw, there was never anything between them. It made both characters really hard to sympathize with. Which brings me to the ending: while everyone else thinks it was a really crappy, unsatisfying ending I kind of liked it. It’s the only thing that would make sense, it has a cinematically refreshing touch of realism and they are both happy. Face it, we’ve all had breakups and we all know that all things considered, that’s probably the best possible outcome.

Ah, another Thanksgiving has come and gone. I have to say there’s no such thing as a bad Thanksgiving in my book. A holiday about eating lots and lots of good food with people you care about. There’s not much to commercialize or corrupt when you get right down to it. I never trust people who say they don’t like Thanksgiving. If you don’t like your family you can always have dinner with a friend’s family, or a group of friends—anyone that you enjoy being with. And if eating a big dinner with your friends is still not your thing, well, you’re an alien.
I was going to have the Swedes over so they could experience this uniquely American holiday (yes, I know Canadians have Thanksgiving too, they just stole it from us) but they decided to go to Mexico over the holiday break. Jävle svenskar… Anyway, it turned out for the best that they weren’t able to show since our kitchen was in a state of (dis)repair, making cooking a challenge. Thankfully, we live in Arizona where you can have Thanksgiving outside and not be cold at all. Plus, I was reacquainted with all of my family’s traditional dishes that I missed out on last year. Even if you have the recipies, you just can’t beat mom’s cooking. And like all Thanksgivings, it ended in a lovely turkey nap. It’s a shame this concept is unknown to foreigners because it is quite possibly the best feeling nap in the world.

It’s strange for me to think that one year ago today I was on the other side of the planet contemplating the greater meaning of being 20. Now I’m back here and I think the greater meaning of 21 is less elusive. I remember thinking that my teens were pretty uneventful and lamented not making the most of “the best years of your life”. A friend of mine told me I was wrong; that the best years are in your 20’s. The simple matter-of-factness with which she said that really erased any doubt in my mind.
So I’m one year older, and for the first time, I really feel one year wiser. I’ve learned and experienced so much this past year, even in these past few months. Studying abroad really does make you grow up. After experiencing what it’s like to be totally on my own in a totally new place with no one to help make decisions for me, I really miss it and already want to go back. That said, I’m now enjoying Tucson more than I ever have in my entire life. Sure it’s the world’s biggest small town, but it’s got a certain small town charm to it. Oh, and Eegee’s, can't forget that.
It’s still relatively warm here in Tucson. A high of 76F (24C) today and a low of 44F (7C), but to Tucsonans it’s getting rather cold. I see people bundled up in jackets, girls wearing warm pants and the return of my arch nemesis: ugg boots. Contrast that with Uppsala where last year, just as I opened a birthday care package from my family and took out a scarf, gloves and a beanie, it started to snow. Now that’s timing. While the gloves may have been ill adapted for Swedish winter, those beanies and that scarf really made life easier in my travels.

Tonight I’ll be off to celebrate my 21st in true American fashion. Hopefully my experiences in Uppsala were adequate preparation. Funny, not many people get to have the “old enough to drink” birthday twice. Go me!

Where does everyone get the time to blog? I have difficulty keeping up as it is, though I suppose work and college don’t leave a lot of extra time. I think I’ve finally gotten used to the American college system again, Uppsala made me soft. As fun as it was to have no homework or exams before the final (plus 4 day weekends every week my first semester), I think a constant barrage of midterms helps keep your academic edge. Now, granted, the academic career of an exchange student is pretty light anyway, but I don’t think all of the ease was just because of that, the Swedes have it pretty easy, too. They get paid to go to college (everyone, not just people with scholarships) so they really don’t have to work, only have to worry about one test that they can take over again indefinitely, don’t have GenEd’s or minors so they can focus on just one thing and rumor has it they have university counselors to help the students cope with the stress of it all. Now, some of the majors have a pretty hard time, at least from what I’ve observed: the Law students (or maybe they were just pretending) and the Engineering students.

In other news, Beyond Bread is a very interesting anthropological site, I’ve come to realize. Just tonight I saw a perfect example of sorority girl hierarchical structure: a Lil Sis was ordering food from me and when I asked if it was to eat here, she asked to her Big Sis, who just stared back at her, not so much as uttering a word. The Lil Sis then surprisingly meekly, especially considering the chipper nature of sorority girls, said she going to eat here. I guess that’s part of the hazing process, breaking their will and turning them into little clones. She didn’t look like her Big Sis, but I suppose it’s only a matter of time.

Finally, I’ve always been slow to embrace cell phones. I first got mine as a graduation present when nigh everyone else in my class had one already. But I came to see their inherent value. I was still wary of all the crazy new features they kept coming out with, preferring my simple non-color screen and default ring tones. I only started appreciating texting while I was in Uppsala, mainly cuz it was easier to read and write Swedish than to try and speak it. Also, my old phone never had the auto word dictionary thing; I used to just have to type it in the old fashioned way. Plus having a polylingual dictionary made things a lot easier. My new phone isn’t as good with recognizing what I’m trying to text and I find myself having to spell it out again. Also, unlike my other two phones, it doesn't have any other language settings besides English and Spanish. I’m really miffed about that part, it means you can no longer steal your friend’s phone and switch the language settings to Hebrew and see how long it take for him to figure out how to undo it. It also bugs me cuz now I can’t type the ö in one of my friend’s last name.
On the plus side, my new phone has a camera, allowing me to take pics like this:

I got to throw an atlatl last week for my TRAD class. I gotta say that’s one inventive weapon. I want one. The record distance for throwing one is 800 feet and it has enough force behind a good throw to go through a sheep. It’s just so simple, yet brilliant. I often have wondered if I would have been able to invent stuff like that if I had no knowledge of the modern world. I like to think I would at least have been able to come up with some stuff. I used to knap rocks in the back yard when I was little, so I probably would have been able to create hand axes, spears and knives. Plus I figure my creative abilities would have been boosted if my life depended on it. Still, I doubt I would have figured out you can increase a spear’s effective range tenfold by using a wooden launching handle. I guess it’s not so different from a catapult, but it doesn’t look like it should work.
So props to you, Paleolithic Man. You are a damn clever fella.

In other news, I finally went hiking with the Swedish exchange students. They seemed to enjoy it a lot, even though one took a prickly pear pad right to the shin. We also talked about the differences and quirks we noticed in the US and Sweden. They say it's hard to find Americans to hang out with. We're really friendly and open if you talk with us at first, but it's more difficult to actually make a new friend. Contrast that with the Swedish experience where chitchatting with a Swede is like pulling teeth, but once they get to know you you'll be friends forever.
They were also interested in finding places/events/activities that were very American or Arizonan. Try thinking about what you would tell someone is something really representative of the US that you would want to share with foreigners. It's kind of hard. I suggested Rodeo Weekend for something Arizonan, Thanksgiving for something all-American and after the hike I took them to the most American place I could think of: The Five and Diner. They loved that, they said it was like being in a movie.

I just noticed tonight that Orion is rising differently than it was when I saw it last year up in Kiruna. Around 11PM in January Orion appears upright on the horizon. That is, his “feet” are on the horizon, rather than at an angle. It’s kinda weird to me that the stars change depending on where you are. The Southern Hemisphere would be even worse, I imagine.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about how much I like Sweden’s landscapes and climate. I suspect some of it may have to do with nostalgia or some cultural ideal I’ve imprinted on. I’m guessing that’s why I like the idea of a two-story house with wooden floors (though I missed carpet so much while I was actually there), a green yard, trees and the like. But I wonder why I like green and forests so much over other landscapes. I’ve had a theory that maybe people have imprinted ideals of beauty and aesthetics for landscapes and environments which might be optimal for them. While I might think a tundra is pretty to look at I definitely wouldn’t consider it a place to live, but an Inuit certainly would. At the same time, would the Inuit consider the Sonoran Desert habitable? At first I didn’t really have much to support my idea but if you think about it, it would make some sense. People all over the world are adapted to environments which their ancestors evolved in and it would be only natural that they would prefer that environment. Now I’m not saying this is anything absolute or that white people can only like European climates, but a subconscious preference might still exist. In some cases it might be prudent for people to heed that preference. For example, Africans will get rickets in northern latitudes if they don’t have a dietary source of Vitamin D, plus melanin increases one’s risk of frostbite. I wonder if Africans would find Sweden as aesthetically pleasing as I would, or might they prefer Tucson?
Also, along the lines of subconscious desires and instincts I learned that shepherd dogs will exhibit shepherding behavior without any actual training to do so. So one can evidently breed a specific behavior into animals, that’s pretty damn impressive considering humans only domesticated dogs around 17,000 years ago. What’s more impressive is that we managed to single out a behavior that is totally against a wolf’s natural instinct. They would rather isolate an animal from a herd and then kill it, but somehow we managed to get dogs to group animals into a herd and protect them. Now, nature can’t account for this entirely, nurture plays some role. I don’t think that feral shepherd dogs would herd their prey like that, but otherwise they act quite differently than dogs bred for other purposes.
I wonder if you could genetically select for a certain instinct in humans. It couldn’t be anything really drastic since our self-awareness can override our natural tendencies. I wonder if you could, say, breed humans to break fall instinctively without having to be taught. I have no idea how you would do that, but it would probably be easier than breeding wolves into shepherd dogs.

The Grudge 2 with Amber Tamblyn and Takako Fuji. I don't normally go to see horror movies in theaters, but I was offered free tickets, so how could I refuse? Having never seen the first one, I'm not sure how it compares but I'm told it's better-ish. The overwhelming sentiment is that it isn't as creepy as the Japanese Ju-an movies upon which they were based. Quite a few people said it sucked, but I'm inclined to dismiss their opinions for a couple of reasons. First, I gauge horror movies' quality on how scary they are, not their subtle acting, logical plots or character development. Since I get the feeling that those are most people's criteria, they might be right, but since the movie was indeed scary, I say it was good. The other group of people who said it sucked I dismiss because they don't provide any constructive criticism and I suspect are trying to rationalize a way not to be scared when they go to bed. For example, when asked what he thought could have been better about the movie, one guy I watched it with said, "If they didn't make it suck so much!" he then said how it was so funny and he didn't get why everyone was so afraid of "the albino kid." Dude, it's OK to say a scary movie scared, you don't need to put on some macho bullshit act.
My old roommate had more constructive opinions of the movie: having seen the Japanese version, he felt that the obligatory American origin/explanation scenes took something away from the movie. He suggested that in the original, rather than giving the characters hope, they just know they're going to die and there's nothing they can do about it. While that kind of fatalism can definitely be scary, I think there's also something to be said for dangling hope in front of the characters, then taking it away. He also felt that the number of jump scenes was too much and by the end you kind of got desensitized to them, whereas the Japanese ones use them sparingly and to a greater effect.
I think it's always strange that no one ever thinks to fight against the ghost, certainly they don't have anything to lose. Granted, there are some instances where they are caught totally by surprise, but there are some times when they had ample time for a punch, kick, anything, but they don't. I think that's one thing some of the moviegoers didn't get, the ghosts, aside from being seemingly omnipotent and creepy looking induce paralytic fear, preventing people from doing anything. In that thought of what would happen if someone fought back, we wondered who would be able to. One person had suggested they would like to see the ghost from the Grudge vs. Constantine. That would certainly be an interesting fight. I, on the other hand, think that the ghost vs. aliens a la Communion or Taken would be a pretty interesting fight to see as well. I keep hoping someone will make an aliens vs. ghosts movie, or at least a short film.

I'm experiencing little bits of culture shock as I go through the semester, odd things that I see on campus. Notably, the fundies going around campus stopping random people and asking them about their beliefs and trying to guilt trip them into converting. Here's a fun tip: demonstrate any knowledge of the Bible that contradicts what they're trying to sell you and they'll get all defensive. It's good to be back in the US, where I am persecuted for my beliefs and not where I was born. It's a purer form of intolerance, no?
Not too long ago I had lunch with one of the Swedish students at the U of A. It's kind of funny to me that he and the rest of the international students will hang out with each other for the most part with less interaction among natives. When I went abroad I figured I'd be spending most of my time with Swedes, but for the most part I was around international students. It's just a hoot to see that that's exactly what they're doing. It's a strange kind of thing, seeing a strange culture through my eyes, then coming back and seeing those strangers see my world through their eyes.
This guy has evidently embraced American fast food culture totally, he claims that's all he ever eats. I kind of hope he was exaggerating, but I dunno. It's funny that our fast food culture is one of the (MANY) things we're criticized for and he's all for it. Of course, who can't appreciate the fact that a "large" serving in Sweden is ridiculously expensive and has the same amount of food as an American "small" serving? Since he is so interested in absorbing American culture, I offered him some of my root beer. Curious, he sampled my "beer" and predictably, was disgusted. Hilarious, I tell you. He was even more astonished that I drank the whole thing and that it wasn't some kind of practical joke.
Really, it seems only Americans like root beer. It actually reminds me of an episode of Deep Space Nine, where two aliens are at a bar trying to find the appeal in root beer:
Quark: What do you think?
Garak: It's vile.
Q: I know. It's so bubbly and cloying and happy.
G: Just like the Federation.
Q: But you know what's really frightening? If you drink enough of it, you start to like it.
G: It's insidious.
Q: Just like the Federation.

That’s about right, just with America instead of the Federation. And like root beer, if you have enough of America, you do start to like it. Now all I need to do is get the Swedes to appreciate the simple joy of a PBJ.

So the other day we’re driving to the dojo and see a license plate that says, “Be an organ donor” so we joked that we would go in and just donate a liver like one might go in and donate blood. So then here’s a weird thought: could one conceivably commit suicide by organ donation? That is, donate a vital organ, or better yet, donate all your organs. The doctors would be labeled as highly unethical, but on the other hand if the “patient” comes up to them and tells them they are suicidal and will kill themselves one way or another, it’s in the doctor’s hands whether or not the waste of life is a complete waste. All organs could be salvaged as well as marrow and all the blood. Gruesome, yes, but remember that the selfish act of suicide would be mitigated by the selflessness of offering your entire body to those in need who do want to live. Suppose each organ goes to a separate person, saving each of their lives. Would this form of suicide then be looked down upon? The only problem is finding doctors who would utterly violate the Hippocratic oath and intentionally kill and essentially gut their patients even if it was the patient’s expressed wish. They would be reviled even more than abortion doctors. But perhaps some ethical concerns might be evaded if one considers that the killing of one patient ultimately benefits many more. Consider it an expansion on the logic of triage: the patient has a low chance of survival (because he’s suicidal) while other patients who will die without treatment (an organ transplant or blood transfusion) still have a chance if the doctor administers treatment in time. In a triage scenario, the doctor administers treatment to the other patients and neglects the patient with a lower chance of survival, essentially killing him. In this way a doctor sacrifices the life of one to save the life of another, this doctor would not be considered unethical, in fact they might be praised for their cool professional approach and understanding that not everyone can be saved. In a triage situation the tradeoff of life might be one to one, but in this scenario the sacrifice of one ultimately benefits many more.
So would people opt to commit suicide in this fashion? Would the doctors be willing to go through with it? Would the general public accept it even when weighing in the benefit it would have to those on an organ waiting list? Do the needs of the many truly outweigh the needs of the few?

Hard Candy with Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page. One creepy, intense movie that really got me riled. It's certainly suited to a debate, but not for a blind right/wrong debate with absolutist, sexist arguments. My personal opinion is that the girl is in dire need of a vacation, specifically one to a certain "Hostel" in Slovakia.
SPOILERS AHEAD
Now, the debate is: are the crimes committed by the man sufficiently atrocious to warrant the events in the movie? And are the events in the movie atrocious enough to warrant my suggested punishment? When dealing with this, it is important to only look at what was explicitly proven and stated in the film and not every single claim, allegation or suspicion the girl had. Now, the director is brilliant in only providing just enough solid proof to keep the plot from being completely ambiguous. All that we know about his secrets are from the reactions of a sadistic and legally insane character looking for anything that might prove her right. It's important to look at the movie in retrospect, seeing how carefully orchestrated and planned her whole scheme was and factor that into her character. But also remember that everything we learned at the end she knew for certain all along. That exonerates her only slightly, because it is inferred that she obtained all this information from the guy's friend using similar methods but operating on less than absolute certainty. He was a monster for his actions that were left unseen; she was a monster for her actions both seen and unseen. He deserved punishment, but is a monster who kills a monster any less monstrous?
And I'd also like to add that movies like this are what make being bound a borderline phobia of mine.

Returner with Takeshi Kaneshiro and Anne Suzuki. Pretty much your standard sci-fi movie complete with aliens and time travel, but with some notably cool action scenes. I remember seeing a trailer for this at the Loft a few years back and based solely on some scenes with transforming airplanes I was determined to watch it. I was a little disappointed by the plot, but such things are to be expected with foreign films. Why do the aliens have to be so damn unreasonable? One thing I thought was pretty funny is in the future "flashbacks" there are a lot of Americans. Their lines are so horrible and over the top I'm not sure if it's cuz the actors are so bad they couldn't find work in any English speaking country or if the lines were written in Japanese and translated directly into English. Or both. Lastly, the villain was pretty good too. That is, he's one of those really despicable characters, not just the "I'm a bad guy because the script says I am" types. His mannerisms are quite similar to a bad guy character in another Japanese movie Versus. I wonder if the bug-eyed, tongue flicking psycho is an archetypical Japanese character.

In a remarkable instance of serendipity, my schedule has changed enough to dramatically increase my fun time. It turns out one of the classes I took in Uppsala counts as a GenEd credit here, meaning I can drop one of the ones I'm taking now. I could either drop my first class of the day and sleep in or drop the last one and go home early. I chose the latter, Chinese Civ, since it's boring (but really interesting) and dropping it means I can go to work an hour earlier and work 8 hours every shift. Now I work Monday, Wednesday, Friday and get off work right before the dreaded closing shift. That means I can go to the dojo Tuesdays and Thursdays, just like old times plus have Saturday free for sparring. And in a remarkable coincidence, my high school drama teacher is directing a play at the U of A and an opening for a part appeared. The rehearsal times happen to match my new schedule *exactly*. There's a Swedish word for windfall, but I can't remember what it was. That's how I would best describe this series of developments. Anyway, "Southern Fried Murder", on October 20th, will mark my triumphant return to the stage!

Speaking of Swedish (yeah that's gonna keep popping up. What can I say? It's still fresh in my mind.) the customers at Beyond Bread, interestingly it's often the crabby ones, will ask for wheat bread but always put too much air into the 'wh' producing the Swedish word for 'shit'. It gets me every time, and with some customers I really wish I could give them what they asked for.

And also, after a bit of a break, I now have new Flickr pics.

I think only now am I really getting the reverse culture shock I kept bracing myself for after returning from Sweden. It's not just missing things that made life fun, like the nations (I would kill for a night at the nations, even V-Dala club nights) it's seeing things that are odd in comparison and being reminded of little quirks.
One of the things I think is really bizarre is that when I was at the U of A freshman year, I noticed there were some foreigners, mostly Asian and a few from Africa, but for the most part it was hard to find someone who wasn't American. When I went to Uppsala I was amazed by how many exchange students there were. I'm aware that as an exchange student I was in classes with other foreigners or was in other activities designed with exchange students in mind, but even putting all that aside there still seemed to be more international students than at the U of A. Now I'm back and it seems like while I was gone the number of international students increased tremendously. I'm not sure if I just wasn't actively looking before or if I'm just in the right type of classes; maybe the Theater department wasn't the most popular venue for foreigners.
Another thing I noticed while I was in Uppsala, while there were plenty of exchange students and a fair number of immigrants, the general appearance of the population was pretty homogeneous. Even fashions and hairstyles were pretty uniform, I remember being rather disenchanted with that discovery. But at the U of A there's a paradox; I see the rich ethnic diversity, blending of different peoples, countless subcultures, people of all shapes and sizes. Then I see the sorority girls, all with bug-eye sunglasses, bleach blonde hair, fake tans, and shorts with their sorority written on the ass. They're everywhere and they're all exactly the same. Even their speech and mannerisms are identical; it kinda creeped me out that it seems I see one of the sorority girls I met in Uppsala everywhere here.
I also got in touch with a couple of exchange students from Uppsala that are at the U of A. It's really fun and surreal to be able to talk about Uppsala with someone while they're in Tucson. It's funny, I asked them why they came here of all places and they said it was to get away from the cold. They couldn't imagine why I would leave Tucson to seek out icy weather in Sweden. I also can keep up my Swedish by talking to them; it's embarrassing that I've already started to forget simple words. On the other hand, as a habit for familiarizing myself with the language I would insert Swedish words or phrases in an English conversation with a Swede. I had to wean myself off that habit when I got back to the US since no one would know what the hell I was talking about. But since I met the Swedes it's been popping up every now and then. The other day at work I didn't hear what someone said and instead of saying "What?" I said, "Vad sade du?"

And not really anything new, but I think it's interesting that the English words 'ken', 'canny', 'know' and the Swedish 'känna' are all from the same Germanic word. I was kind of disappointed to not find a link between 'sense' and 'känna' though; they sound similar enough and they do have overlapping meanings.

Blogger ate my draft of this post. I'm very displeased.
Lately I've realized that there's a strange, fine line that seems to separate not being stubborn and bending to other people's views. Surely, allowing one's opinions to be influenced by others is not bad in itself, after all change is a good thing at times. The trick is when to let other people’s ideas affect your own judgment; maybe they’ve figured out something you haven't. Maybe not.
At the same time I also realized that what we believe makes us who we are and changing our way of thinking is essentially making us a slightly different person. Now, yes, every moment of every day we receive new information that alters us slightly making it impossible to have a static "you". It's like the adage of not being able to walk through the same river twice, but I'm driving more at altering the actual path of the river, not just the water flowing in it. So not only are you making a difficult decision when changing your mind on something you always took as an absolute, you’re also in effect actively changing who you are. You might also be concerned about what the new you will be like and if you want to be that new person. Now of course once you are that person all your behaviors and opinions will sound good to you–they’re part of what makes you who you are–but before you become that person, those same traits might actually seem negative.
On a related note, has anyone ever had a series of classes that seemed to address issues in your life with a timing that makes it almost seem like it was planned? It's really helpful, but kinda eerie.

And finally, I think it’s funny that last week while I was having a crummy time, I actually looked forward to going to work to get my mind off my day. Now I’m doing better and so work sucks again.

I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to write stuff in my blog and once I do have time I can't remember it all. Like I said earlier, I don't think I'll be having much of a social life this semester. I work 4 days a week with only enough time between class and work to get ready to start working. But I'll have money. I don't know if I'm going to make many new friends this year anyway, GenEd classes are pretty bad environments for meeting new people, especially if you have no time to talk to them outside of class. Well, we'll see how it goes.

I was thinking about something the other day in my psychology class: racial scapegoating is obviously a sign of unjustified fear and ignorance, and we can condemn it because it's clear to us that the allegations against whatever group being persecuted are false. They're really not conspiring against us or contaminating our society or any of the gibberish bigots try to get us to believe. But what if there actually was a group of people that, by their very nature and not necessarily out of malicious intent, was a threat to our society or our very existence? Would racism be excused then? There's no real life example, of course, but one of the things that got me thinking was a recent episode of Stargate: Atlantis. A Wraith, the main enemy on the show, asks one of the characters if he blames his species for feeding on humans. The only form of nourishment the Wraith can consume is humans, so can the Wraith be blamed for feeding on humans if the alternative is starving to death? And what is the logical conclusion of the Atlantis team's ultimate goal of defeating the Wraith? They can't simply beat them back to a single world and have them just eat the humans there; they want to liberate everyone in the galaxy from the Wraith. So does that mean eliminate the Wraith entirely? Since they mention abiding by the Geneva Convention when dealing with captured Wraith I'm guessing they're not going to adopt a policy of genocide. But the only alternative is letting all the Wraith slowly starve to death, which is ultimately a slower, indirect genocide.
Another example is from a game called Master of Orion 3 where one of the races, the Ithkul, is actually a sentient biological weapon that was designed to fight all the other races in the galaxy. When one conquers a planet the inhabitants then become members of that empire and can actually migrate in small numbers to other planets within the empire, or randomly create their own colonies loyal to the empire that conquered them, not their actual race. The alternative, of course, is to just destroy all life on the planet and recolonize it. I opt for conquering, both because it's a developed infrastructure I'm taking over but also cuz I tend to follow my own real life moral code when playing games and it just seems wrong to exterminate a planet. My only exception is the Ithkul, because if you leave the inhabitants alive when you conquer their planets the computer will treat the population of every planet equally (as a good empire-wide intelligence should) and allow them to migrate to your other planets. Once there, they start to eat the rest of the population. You see the problem, so would genocide be justified in this case?

Sci-fi though it may be, I think they're interesting ethical questions. All this can also be related back to my post on 9/20/05. Remember even if I were content to stop from wiping out the Ithkul entirely, or in the case of the Atlantis expedition the Wraith, genocide is the extermination of a race "in whole or in part". So they're still stuck in the same moral quandry.

The Solitaire Mystery by Jostein Gaarder. The same author as one of my favorite books, Sophie's World, I was figuring this would be of similar caliber. Unfortunately, it's of far too similar caliber. I can't object to the story or the writing style or anything within the book itself, but it's incredibly similar to Sophie's World in plot, plot devices, characters and I think some of the names are the same too. This book was written before Sophie's World, so I suspect Gaarder just gathered up the best parts of all his previous stories and merged them into that book. I was a little bugged by the rather limp dialog between the two main characters but I suppose it fits the whole philosopher-apprentice theme that the author was going for.
I remember a review of Sophie's World calling it "the Alice in Wonderland for the 90's" but that title really lends itself more to The Solitaire Mystery, one aspect of which you could guess right from the name of the book.

Now, I know it's only the first week and my classes are almost exclusively lecture halls, but I miss how my classes were Uppsala. Everyone was so friendly there and willing to talk to strangers, now it's back to aloof, exclusive cliques. I have to admit, there is a certain irony to the idea that more people in a class makes it harder to talk to people. The classes themselves are nice; I think my NATS class is shaping up to be my favorite. Aside from the obviously interesting subject matter (astronomy, space, the Universe) the teacher is quite fun. He bears a resemblance both physically and personality-wise to my favorite character in Stargate: Atlantis, Dr. McKay. He also makes references to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so instant awesome right there.
My professor for Structure of Mind and Behavior claimed she would implant a false memory in the entire class sometime during the semester. That's slightly unsettling. What if she already has? What if it turns out I was never even in that class?

I made a saddening discovery at work yesterday. I now have a job to make money to fund activities in my social life, but I no longer really have time for a social life. Damn. Well, at least I'll be richer and have free food.

And by the time I post this, Feifei will probably be in a plane over Asia on her way to Beijing. She was telling me the other day about her uncertainty of whether or not this was a good idea to study there. Or rather, if it would be an enjoyable, worthwhile trip. She mentioned a friend who went to study in Australia for a year with the same zeal and enthusiasm I had for going to Sweden, then went there and hated it so much she left after the first semester. And I recalled a few people I had met in my travels who were quite underwhelmed with their decision to study abroad. And I realized how incredibly fortunate I was to have had such an amazing experience in Uppsala. I went there with high expectations and an unshakable feeling that this would be an experience of a lifetime, and I got just that. But, of course, not everyone will. So here's hoping that Beijing University is everything to Feifei that Uppsala University was to me. 福气 菲菲!

First day of classes today. I wasn't sure how this would be, if my time in Sweden might have changed my outlook on college life for the better. I had been more excited during my first day of classes there and wasn't sure if the lack of enthusiasm before was because I was a freshman or because it was someplace new and exciting. Turns out it's the latter. It's really a stunning contrast. The past year, including the last couple of months in Arizona, have been like a fantasy. And now the fantasy is over.
I miss so much about Uppsala all of a sudden. Like the fact that all the bikes have built in locks, the fact that I lived uphill from all of my classes so I hardly had to pedal at all. My Swedish bike also had a cover over the gears so your pants wouldn't snag in them, I am now certain that will be the death of me.
It's weird being able to walk around and catch snippets of conversation and understand them all. Or how I see people that look like people I met in Sweden except now they're sorority girls or frat boys. It's like some evil parallel universe. On the plus side, my classes are mostly in the mornings so they're over and done with right away. (God, you'd never think evening classes would be desirable, would you?) I also found out Mountain slopes downhill slightly on the way back home, so I get a bit of a break once it's time to go home.

In other news, I'm going to be working at Beyond Bread on Wednesday. And for the first time in my life (hopefully not the last) I had to turn down a job offer (from Kohl's). Beyond Bread was so eager to hire me I really wish I knew what it was I said or did that made it work. They called me in for an interview literally within ten minutes of me turning in my application. We'll see how this job goes...

And finally, I went back to Sabino today to say hi to my old drama teacher and catch up on old times. He brought me up to pace with what's going on in the lives of the old drama crew and am glad to hear that so many of them are successful with their lives and living their dreams. I'm also glad to see that my teacher is doing well and that he's settled into the role of being a dad nicely.
The best news he told me though is that my senior year English teacher, whom I hated like I have never hated any teacher before, is gone. The best part is that she evidently (this is what he told me, anyway) left because she is a big fan of vampire culture and moved to find people more like her. Where that might be, I have no idea. Transylvania? Now, in a way this is surprising and in another way, it's not surprising at all. For someone who tended to look down upon the different ways students expressed themselves or what they believed in, this is a shock. But considering I always felt like my life force was getting sucked out whenever I was in that class, this doesn't strike me as odd in the least. I was very pleased to hear this news to say the least. If I could take this perfect blend of irony and aptness (is there an antonym for irony?) and make a candy out of it I would put Willy Wonka himself to shame.